6-6-09
I've been watching this Korean drama lately called "Again, My Love" and it made me think about something. What does it mean to be strong? Some people hide their emotions and fight with all their will to get what they want. They get revenge, they don't let others push them down, they are survivors. But are they really running away from their emotions instead? Are they denying how they feel and who they are? On the other hand, does it make you strong to show your emotions, to show your true self, and to leave yourself vulnerable? Or are you foolish to do that so that others can see your weakness, to allow others to know how much pain they have caused you? Or is this all a lose-lose situation in the game of life? Hmm.... questions of the mind, questions of the heart ... to love or to hate or to pretend to love ... what does it mean to be true to yourself?

Aside from the movie, I'm thinking of embarking on a new photo project called "Sketchy Moments" - sort of a male/female reversal of roles, to be presented as if it were a pencil sketch in a notepad. It'll be a fun, controversial topic and I'm really excited about it.

4-12-09
Happy Easter! I can't believe I haven't written in here since November, just shows how busy I've been (or maybe lazy for that matter, or maybe just enjoying life). Anyhow, I'm really excited to design something for the Shonen Jump Magazine Cover Contest. I have my idea mapped out in my head. I just got to scan some stuff and start hitting the mouse. :P It's nice to be inspired by stuff lol.
On a more physical level, I've been trying to get into shape and be in tuned with nature. I just went on a 10 mile hike with some friends and am super sore. It was an intense trip. Now I'd like to mellow out with a nice road trip, taking my 35 mm camera and getting some classic black and white photos. Although I do plan to buy another digital camera to replace my previous one that died, cuz who doesn't love quick, fancy color photo snapshots :)
And yes, I plan to update my website with new designs, some new poetry, new blogs, and an updated resume. So stay tuned!

11-22-08

Virtual Love
A smile slowly creeps
onto my tired, drained face
as you woo me with words
from miles away.
I can only imagine
how it'll sound
being whispered
in my ear.
Will it take
my breath away?

Pouty lip kisses
and emoticon hugs,
past, present, future,
anything and everything,
we talk of it.
Yours and mine,
a connection
that cannot be defined.
Day after day,
night after night,
til my eyes droop down
and the sun comes up,
I think of you.

I haven't met you,
but I know you.
I don't know you,
but I love you.
The stars say
it's a dream come true.
MASH said
I'd marry K,
but I don't know.
You're so close,
yet so far
away.

11-20-08
"We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love. "
-- written by a very wise person.

10-14-08

Wordless
A dark, blue sky
a bright full moon,
driving along the 101,
clutching
the steering wheel,
she sings
an Eastern tune.

A wordless,
sorrowful song ...
of imagined romances
portrayed in Hong Kong dramas,
of complicated love
and tangled emotions
of the broken-hearted.

Tears form in her eyes
and she doesn't know why
she's crying over emotions
that are not her own,
as she is embraced
in redness
from the tail lights
of a hundred cars
that does not emit
the warmth of humanity,
but the coldness
of metal doors.

It is the plague
of loneliness
and she cannot escape.
Stuck on the freeway,
wishing to be free,
free to love again
and experience
a broken heart
once more.

10-3-08

Motherhood
I sat there for a while
Thinking of your crooked little smile,
Dreaming of the day
You’d be in my arms
Sleeping throughout the night
As the crickets sing
And the stars shine bright.
I’d hear you breathe
A comforting sound
As your little heart
lightly pounds
Skin, silky smooth
Hair, wavy soft
I’d whisper
In your ear
"I love you."

8-18-08

Cadillac
Tall and slender
with lots of curves,
buns of steel,
blue as the sky,
deep as the sea,
hopeful, bright,
and happy.

A golden interior
of leather seats
massaging my back,
caressing me.

Waiting in park,
waiting patiently.
Key to the engine,
key to his heart.
His every move
is my command.
"Imagine,"
he sings
my favorite song.

Tap, tap, we drive
slowly, cautiously.
Over time, faster,
passionately.
Right turn, left turn,
U-turn, I turn.
We move in sync
to the traffic jam
"dancing in the moonlight."

I light a cigarette
as the wind blows
my hair back,
and your mirrored eyes
tell me how beautiful
I am.
While I'm lost
in thought,
you read
my mind.
Red light, green light,
you know to stop.

In hours of darkness,
you become my light.
When teardrops
block my vision,
you wipe away the rain.
When I become lost,
you're my GPS.
In hours of sorrow,
you sing my song.

You take me places
far away from here.
You set me free
on the open highway
under the star-filled sky.
"You are the wind
beneath my wings."

8-17-08
I'm addicted to clothes. Today I bought 2 really cute shirts that are professional enough to wear to work for a whopping $5 each.

8-16-08
I went to test drive cars today, I tried a Prius and a Corolla. The Prius was really nice and fancy, but I felt disoriented and engulfed in it. The leather seats and GPS are super and the mileage is good, but for $10,000 less, the Corolla is a good competitor. And the best part, it fit me perfectly, effortlessly. I may just end up with that car. Yes, choosing the ideal car is similar to choosing an ideal home, job, or boyfriend. It doesn't matter what benefits it comes with or how much money you receive, the most important thing is that it fits you effortlessly and makes you happy.

8-11-08
I watched Apocalypto directed by Mel Gibson, it's an awesome movie depicting the Mayan way of life and their sacrificial practices. It's a disturbing, yet inspiring tale of the prophesy of Jaguar Paw. I totally recommend this for showing in "Religion in America" class.

8-10-08
I figured out what I want to do, well sort of ... The thing is, I'm interested in a variety of mediums, so it's not what type of work I do, but more of what purpose does it serve. Like I don't wanna do functional design. I wanna design, create things that speak to people, create an experience for them - whether it be book designs, cd covers, webpages, installations, greeting cards, poetry, menus, etc. U know, something inspirational. Like if I had a choice, I don't wanna be stuck in a techy or businessy place where all I see is an emotionless computer, I desire some sort of human connection. My ultimate goal is to be able to make people smile thru my work.

7-24-08
Yay, I'm finally back from China. It has been an awesome experience for me. I've written pages and pages in my journal about the feelings I had and the things I saw and experienced. This blog will not do it justice, but I will sum it up for you anyways. The past two months have been full of new things for me: going to the airport to fly half way across the world, being on my own, having a roommate, taking taxis, going on foreign subways, and being breath taken.

The first month of Beijing consisted of the Language and Culture program where we had classes every morning from 8:30-12 and then had 3 fieldtrips at the end of the program. From this, I was able to learn a new language, have the ability to carry on a simple conversation in Mandarin, and had the materials to further enhance my knowledge.

I met 15 cool people from all over America, in which we all lived in the same hall at Beijing Sport University, for one month. It was the most amazing dorm experience I could have asked for. We went to class together, ate together, traveled together, and partied and chilled together. We were like a family. The 15 (not in any particular order): The super tall and sassy DAVE w/ his dance moves, friendly ANDREW with his cigarette and coffee addiction, silly KYLE always trying to test the limits of my personal space, RICH the old guy who deceives people w/ his young personality, crazy happy JAY always calling me "Jen-nai," sweet VINCENT with all his questions, kind DOUG like the uncle who's always willing to help, cool-headed LIDIA who inspires me to study and listens to music in the morning just like me, cheerful, free-spirited EMILY always down for whatever, smart and sassy BILQIS with the great sense of direction, easy-going and kind-hearted JOHANNA, SABINE - tough on the outside but is an angel on the inside, young ERIN w/ her drunken Swedish stories, CHRYSTEN who possesses the 3 B's - beauty, bronze, and brains, and friendly KRISTA who carries herself with confidence.

We did a lot of sightseeing together: seeing many temples, haggling and shopping, walking passed Mao's dead frozen body, visiting Forbidden City and the Summer Palace, hanging around Tiannamen Square, climbing The Great Wall, dancing at a shady local club called the 180 where we sang KTV w/ cute friendly Chinse guys that were half-naked and sweaty, went to a fancy place called Party World where we sang KTV with the 16, watched Chinese Opera, ate at American places like Lush haha, and went to the Gorge.

Most memorable would be:
- Tiannamen Square with Sabine where I tripped over steps and busted my knee which bothered me the rest of the trip haha. And she joking threatened to kill me too lol
- The old Summer Palace - it rained rite when we planned to go, so half of us headed back (me included) and the other half went to an indoor museum instead. When the rain cleared, the half that went back decided to go to Summer Palace and Chrysten decided to focus on the theme of "fierceness"
- The nite of 180, where Doug befriended 2 guards that worked there and they invited him to join him for a bday dinner. We ate outdoors and they made Doug drink so much beer he got tipsy. Then we went dancing and KTV.
- My first nite at LUSH with Emily, Erin, and Kyle. Just some drinks and it was trivia nite, but we couldn't play cuz we came in late. Em and I were trying to help Erin find a cute guy.
- Purple Bamboo Park - Rich, Jay, Kyle, Em and Me went to ride the boats. We wet the guys, yay
- The Confucious Temple where I got locked in and had to find an alternate door.
- The park across from Forbidden City was beautiful. Thanks for the piggy back ride Kyle.
- The Gorge - absolutely amazing. Long 3 hour bus ride, then we crammed into a van (all 10 of us), to get there. Beautiful scenery, boat ride, temples, large mountains, some of us went bungee jumping (i really regret not doing it now), and I finally got to hit the big bell gong thing at the temple. Oh, and I wandered off at the end and Jay had to come get me oops.
- hanging out with Sabine after the guys ditched us at the weapon shop, walking in the rain talking about stuff, sitting on the indoor swing at the downstairs restaraunt and eating a fruit salad which consisted of watermelon with mayonnaise on top.
- Climbing the Great Wall and making it to the top even tho I had an injured knee. Thanks for telling me to buy kneepads Rich and thanks for helping me down Sabine.

And now in July, I went to Huade County, Inner Mongolia for 2 weeks. We were gonna teach English to teachers and middle school students in rural China. The train ride there was long and hectic and very crowded. We stayed at the $1 dollar hotel by the train station and hopped the bus the next morning. During the time in Huade, I became really close to my team members. Team leader YU'AO was strong and cheerful and became my Mandarin-Cantonese language buddy. Then there was smart and kind LAN who was obsessed with J Zho, sweet and silly JODIE who loves tv dramas, quiet and friendly GUIXIA, smart and sarcastic JOSHUA, brotherly LIN and his friendly wife PEGGY, always there to snap photos.

The headmasters and teachers and students were memorable too. There was the drunken kung-fu headmaster who kicked the door open, the kind headmaster teacher whom I taught how to play speed, Mr. Si the talented and funny sax player, Emily, Zenger, and Stella. For students, there is Mia, Sarah and Melody. From this experience, I have much greater respect for teachers, esp elementary school teachers because they have to come up with 6 hour lesson plans and make it fun as well. It's hard work and they are way underpaid. I also learned to conserve water and be thankful for all that I have at home and in the rural areas: running water, clean cups, clean plates, a sitting toilet, toilet paper, a bed, trash cans - all the little things I thought really didn't matter, but is essential to every day life. There I tried Mongolian cold noodles, fried rabbit, mutton, and fried bananas coated in sugar. We also went to a DISCO w/ the teachers there, which was an interesting experience to say the least. We went to the Grasslands on the last day there where I saw lots of sheep and sat in a Mongolian tent. These singers toasted to me and to show my respect, I had to drink a whole bowl of beer in addition to some cups I had earlier, and thus I got dizzy. Then we got on a so called "safari" bus ride back to Beijing.

In the next couple of days, I went to Fragrant Hills with Joshua and Vivian. We had an amazing time climbing that mountain which took us forever. But it was worth it. Which was followed by bowling wth the gang, sorry I sucked so much that day haha, I still looked sexy rite? rofl, I was in "Team Sexy" lol. Um, and went to Lush afterwards which I was pretty much outta it by then cuz it was such a looong day. Then hopped the plane back to SF with Jarrod. And hello and hello, my Mommy and Bro were there to greet me. It's great to be back in California weather.

But I'm gonna miss everyone in China. Good times, good memories will stay with you forever. I can't wait to make a power point or movie about my time spent in China (first I have to upload my pix). It was an interesting journey, a stepping stone in my life to god knows what. Somehow, someway, some day, this experience will affect my life. I dunno how and I dunno why, but coincidences happen and it's a small world. China and the people I met and I wlil cross paths again someday.

But for now, I will move on and push forward in life...

Links to Photo Albums on Facebook:

Shanghai, China
Shanghai Museum
Shanghai Bund
Beijing, China
A Trip to the Gorge
Visiting the Great Wall and the Summer Palace
Huade County, Inner Mongolia (Pictures taken by Me)
Huade County, Inner Mongolia (Pictures taken by Joshua and Gang)

5-17-08
I will be going to China on May 28th for the SSLP program to learn Mandarin and also teach English to lil children in impoverished areas. I'm excited to embark on this new journey and to capture timeless photos. Graduation: May 24th.

5-16-08
Today a squirrel climbed on my shoe asking for food. It was so adorable, but all I had was a banana. I gave him a piece, but apparently he didn't care for fruits.

5-9-08
Exploring a beautiful new park with a big lake puts me on a natural high with a smile plastered on my face. It's addictive, like shopping. It's almost like falling in love, except nature or shopping doesn't ask me to give anything in return. But the feeling is short-lived, but then again, so is love.